just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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