i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
