She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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