I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
