I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
