I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
