you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just pee around me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
