Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
