No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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