Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize