Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
