No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
