just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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