Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
