Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
