I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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