You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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