dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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