I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
