It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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