"it" just moved
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
