i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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