if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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