My nipple is on Facebook.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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