i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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