I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
