mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
