No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
