Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
