I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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