nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
