Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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