It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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