he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
