mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
