Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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