my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
