farters have to be the big spoon...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
