think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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