how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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