My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
