So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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