he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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