Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
