Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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