Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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