Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
