I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
