i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
