Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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