I love black thongs
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
