do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
