I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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