the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
