that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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