I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
