Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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