You can't special order awesome
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
