just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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