OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Four minutes until I can fart!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
