I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
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I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
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Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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