i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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