you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
