That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
