Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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