**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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