just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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