This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
