I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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