considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
