dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
