The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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