did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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