Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
