Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
