may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
