Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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